Can you Manage Your Emotions?

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Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.  

- James 1:19-20

How do you react in these situations?

You are stuck in long hours of traffic.

A sales crew repeatedly commits mistakes in completing your orders.

Your kid throws tantrums in public places.

Your colleague does not cooperate in your team presentation

Your boss yells at you at circumstances that are out of your control.

Your trainee can’t get your lessons even if you repeatedly teach the concepts many times.

You wait for so long because your friend is late again in your agreed meetup time.

If you easily lose your temper easily when you are in the situations above, then you have a problem in managing your emotions - Just like me before.

Before, I always give instant negative reactions to things that are not happening the way I want them to happen. I always find myself easily irritated to things and people that cause delay. But what did I get from being impatient? Negativity. Broken relationships. Wasted time. Regrets for the hurtful words being said.

Later on, I realized that impatience is an indicator that I’m doing something I don’t enjoy. But when I think about it, I noticed that it’s almost everyday I encounter things that I should do but I don’t enjoy.

Why was it so hard for me to develop patience and manage my own emotions? One reason is that I was so much in a hurry. I was too busy doing things in my life that I couldn’t afford to lose and I didn’t want to waste time to things I think were not significant in achieving my goals. I wanted things to happen in an instant (and I believe most of you can relate). No wonder it’s one of the reasons of the existence of fast food chains instant coffee, instant noodles, instant internet, instant boyfriend or girlfriend (hahaha!). Second reason is because of my belief that it’s fine to express my emotions right away, even if it’s negative, because it is necessary to lessen the burden. But how many times have I hurt someone because hurtful words came out from my mouth because of anger and impatience?

I learned that:

Wisdom speaks in calmness.

Wisdom does not shout.

“Be still and know that I am God” - Psalms 46:10

Today, I would like to suggest 5 ways so we can control our temper, develop patience, and manage our own emotions. These work for me and I hope these will work for you too!

1. Timefirst!

This is what I say when I was a  little kid to temporarily stop the time. When I find myself  start to develop a feeling of impatience towards a person or circumstance, I stop for a while, count 1 to 10 and take a deep breath. I take a break from a person or situation and divert my attention to something else. Most of all, I pray and ask for God’s guidance in dealing with the situation.

I started to focus on the result of being patient. I drive away negativity, and I am not able to say hurtful words that might ruin my relationships.

2. Trust God.

I realized that I have to trust God that He will take charge of the things that are beyond of my control. If things are going out the way they are not supposed to happen, I just keep in mind that they are happening for a purpose. Nothing just happens. I always think that even in my toughest times, things are happening for a good purpose. So whenever I am starting to become impatient towards a situation or person, I say to myself “ I will be patient, because this is happening for a purpose, for my own good.”

3. Find healthier way to express yourself.

Once we do steps 1 and 2, I can now express myself, not in aggressive, but in an assertive way. I express my needs and emotions to others while maintaining respect and building relationships.

4. Keep in mind the benefits of managing your emotions well.

I always remember that If I can manage my emotions well, I will feel happier, I can have fantastic relationships, I can have better health.

Otherwise, I will feel stressed, I will have failed relationships, I will feel depressed and I can feel a sense of unfulfillment.  Of course, who would want these?

5. Learn how to forgive.

I always think that nobody is perfect. Even the most trusted person in my life can hurt me. I can’t control people’s faults, but I can control my reaction to these faults. I have to learn how to live with the imperfections of people to be truly happy.

Now, can you take a challenge? Can you apply these ways of managing emotions when trapped in difficult situations and starting to feel impatient?

You may share your stories to me. Put in the comments below and I’ll be happy to hear from you.

How Do You Spend Your Hard Earned Money?

Where did your hard earned money go?

While I'm budgeting my remaining salary today, I just realized that I've already been working for 7 years now.

Would you guess how much is my savings as of today?

Maybe some of you guess P500K, P100K, or P50K..

Well...

Dandanan... My savings as of today is...

P10K... large amount right? (hahaha!)

Why is that so? Because I did not know how to manage my finances.

I remember when I was first employed, everytime I receive my salary, it would just passes to my hand in few days, and I would start counting again the days before the next payday because I've already spent them all. I even had debts because of overspending. The main reason is I did not plan for my finances or I just didn't know how to do it.

Lucky I am when I discovered the importance of managing finances due to self development and financial mentors like Jim Rohn, Tony Robbins and books written by T. Harv Ecker and Robert Kiyosaki.

Managing finances is not difficult. A simple system is enough, we just have to develop the habit.

No matter how much your income is, you should manage your finances well. Money is one of the resources given to us by God that needs to be well taken care of.

Now, let me share to you one system of managing finances thought by T. Harv Ecker in his book Secrets of the Millionaire's Mind. This include 7 Jars- freedom fund, emergency fund, everyday fund, dream fund, fun fund, education fund, give fund.

You might not have fund for each jar as of this moment. I believe at the start of your career, you may start with just 4 funds - everyday fund, emergency fund, give fund and education fund. 

Everyday fund and emergency fund are the funds you need in your everyday life. Give fund reflects how grateful we are in the blessings that we receive, no matter what the amount is. Now maybe you're asking, why do we need Education fund at this moment? This is because education fund will increase your wisdom that would take you to the next step. Increased wisdom leads to increased knowledge, skills, and therefore increased income.

Please take time to view the short presentation below. Hope this helps you determine where should your heard earned money go.


Your Online Life Coach,
Maya

 

Don't Criticize, Condemn or Complain

Do you know someone you would like to change and improve?
Why do you want to do this?

I'm only in the Chapter 1 of the book I'm reading right now "How Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie, but this chapter really hits me.

Sometimes, I find myself criticizing other people, wishing them to get better. But I never realized that it would not bring any better to them. It would just lead them to resentment and won't bring any favorable results.

Here are some of excerpts from the book that hit me, and will surely hit you too.

• Criticism is futile because if puts a person on the defensive and usually makes him strive to justify himself.
• Criticism is dangerous because it wounds a person's precious pride, hurts his sense of importance, and arouses resentment
• Don't criticize people, they are just what we would be under similar circumstances
• When we dealing with people, let us remember that we are not dealing with creatures of logic, we are dealing with creatures of emotions, creatures bristling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity.
• Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain- most fools do so. But it takes a character and self control to be understanding and forgiving
• A great man shows his greatness the way he treats little men.
• God does not propose to judge man until the end of his days, why should you and I?

So next time we find ourselves judging and criticizing other people, why not begin on ourselves? It's a lot better than trying to improve others.

Your Online Life Coach,

Maya

How Do You Look at Failures?

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 Let me share to you a short story.

Background: I'm working in a BPO Company in the Philippines.

Working on a night shift has been a struggle for me. I've been working on a day shift for 6 years and when I transfer to a BPO company, I found it really difficult to keep myself awake at night to work. But due to financial needs, I need to condition my mind, health and body to work every night.

A great opportunity came in the first quarter of 2012 where there's ramp in one of the line of business of our company and they would  be needing few selected individuals to work on a day shift. "Yey! It's my chance to work on a normal basis again," I thought. The candidates would be qualified based on the result of the interview that will be conducted by one of the Operations Manager.

Here comes the interview day. I thought I was ready. I prepared answers to the commonly asked questions during interviews. The interview was scheduled from 4AM-6AM.

At 3AM, my team lead approached me and told me that she had something to tell me. I discovered that I had an escalation. Escalation is an incident where the clients reported directly to your manager because you committed mistakes or you did not meet their expected results. I was so depressed. I felt that I was so dumb and stupid. I lost my concentration on the interview because I was so focused on my escalation.

My schedule of interview came. The first question was raised.

Guess what happened?

There were no words coming out from my mouth.

I can't answer the question. I maybe knew the answer, but I found it difficult to express it.

I was so nervous.. until I answered the question in Tagalog (which is not a good practice and really sounded funny!)

Of course, you know the result of the interview. I didn't get the day job.

Again, I felt so depressed. I was asking myself, "Am I really that dumb?"

Then one day, a talk was given to the church about facing failures. The preacher said "Your failures are temporary."

Those words hit me. Then I realized that it's really true. I might fail now but it's not yet the end of the world. I can still do something, I can still do better. I can still be the best.

I realized that I should not be worried too much on my failures. I should take failures as an opportunity to act more intelligently. Failures are better than successes, because they are the main sources of our most important lessons in life. 

Have you ever learned a lesson when you are at a peak of success? Maybe yes, but only few.

When you fail,

You start to think.

You start to ponder.

You start to feel pain.

You start to ask questions - Why did I fail? What can I do so this would not happen again?

If you are wondering what happened to me after I had an escalation and did not get the position for the day job - I started to improve my work. I became very eager to learn. I could not forget these failures, that's why I did my best to perform well on my job. I began to ask questions when something was not clear. I began to engage in training and activities so I can get more skills.

Guess what? After 6 months, I was awarded as the best employee.

Failures are really blessings. They teach us the most important lessons of victory.
It doesn't matter how many times you fail, what's important is you don't give up and you keep doing what is good.

How about you? How Do You Look at Failures?

Your Online Life Coach,

Maya

Are You Allergic to the Unchurched?

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Do you get annoyed by green jokes of your officemates?

Do you feel that you can't stand anymore the cursing you're hearing from your friends?

Are you upset everytime you hear your friends gossiping or bullying someone?

Do you stay away from these people because you think these people are not holy enough for you?

Maybe you're taking the wrong path.

According to studies, the more a person attends a church, the more he isolates himself from the unchurched. He becomes more allergic to the non Christians. He easily gets annoyed to the wrong things done by people around him.

But is this really the proof of growing spiritually- being annoyed to the wrong acts of people?
Come to think of it, how can we multiply God's disciples if we will condemn people?

How would you know that you are REALLY spiritually growing?- When you commit yourself to accept the unchurched. When you become non-judgmental to the sinners. When you maintain to be friends with the sinners so you can also help them become God's disciples.

Do you have friends who have addictions?
Do you have friends who commit adultery?
Do you have friends who do not even believe in God?

Don't condemn them. 
Stay friends with them and inspire them to be a disciple. Not by reading bible verses with them. Not by praying with them. Not by forcing them to go to church.

But by showing to them how life could be so great if they only follow Jesus like you. Show them you love them and you won't condemn them no matter what sins they commit. Love like Jesus.

Make disciples by being a loving friend. 
And you will be surprised on how would that kind of genuine friendship bring your family and friends closer to God.

Your Online Life Coach,
Maya

Will You Be My Valentine?

This is going to be short, because I know everybody is going to be busy on this day.

It's Valentine's Day again, what are your plans?

I was listening to a Christian talk few minutes ago and I got a very good tip for fathers out there who have a daughter.

Fathers who have young daughters - send flowers, give chocolates, or just give something to your daughter every Valentine's day. Let you be your daughter's Valentines while they are young and still studying. Make them feel special on this day. Why? Because if you don't, they will find it elsewhere and you would not want that to happen.

Couples - Continue to let God be the center of your relationship.  Prepare something special for your spouse today. Husbands, exert some efforts to make this day special for your wife. Prepare a surprise romantic dinner date. Give her flowers. Sing a song for her. Dance for her. Do anything that would make your wife remember this day. Wives, appreciate your husbands. Tell them how much you love them everyday. Affirm that you appreciate every little thing that he does for the family.

Singles with Special Someone - Let God guide you in your relationship. Please avoid premarital sex. I know it's accepted nowadays by many. Always remember, not because it's done by many, you can follow them. You can make a decision to be different. You can make a decision to follow God's words. You can celebrate this day in other ways. Explore each other's minds, not each other's bodies.

"We must not indulge in sexual immorality as some of them did, and twenty-three thousand fell in a single day"

- 1 Corinthians 10:8 

Singles without Special Someone- Expose yourself to the right kind of people so you will also be seen. Join Church ministries, but don't let the exposure just be the reason. Discern the right kind of man/woman for you. Don't be depressed if you still have no date this Valentine's day. I'm sure God is preparing someone for you. Just wait and be patient.

Most of all, on this day, please remember that someone loves us so much that He even gave His son to  save us. Nothing can beat that LOVE.

Enjoy this day everyone! 


Your Online Life Coach, 
Maya

Let Giving Become Our Lifestyle

 This happened few days ago.

Since I'm starting to manage my finances properly, I decided to fill up may emergency funds first in the bank before I make some investments. I said to myself "By this salary cutoff, I should have at least P10K in my savings account for my emergency fund. (Don't laugh at me if it's still too low, I'm just starting. hahaha!) There should be no instance that the savings would be lowered to P10K. 

Thank God I reached that! I had P10K in my savings account! Yey! I was so happy.

Then one day, one of my friends texted and told me that he needed some money because his mother was suffering from severe joint pains and that he needed to bring her to the hospital. I knew I had money to give, but I had second thoughts because of my rules of having at least P10K in the bank, and I had no other money to give other than my savings. Giving some portion of my savings would lowered my target amount of savings this salary cutoff.

I prayed and asked for God's guidance. Then, I asked myself "Why am I saving money for emergency funds? Isn't it this money really meant for emergencies like this?"

I just realized that my emergency funds was not really meant for "my emergency funds" only, but also to other people who need it. And yes, I decided to give the money and I didn't care anymore about my target amount of savings fund in the bank. I know I can earn that amount again.

What did I get from giving?

Tremendous amount of fulfillment and happiness. No amount of money can exceed that. 

There are things we can give which are more valuable than money.

APPRECIATION. SMILE. HUGS. LOVE.

What have you given today? 

 
 Your Online Life Coach,
Maya