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Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.
- James 1:19-20
How do you react in these situations?
You are stuck in long hours of traffic.
A sales crew repeatedly commits mistakes in completing your orders.
Your kid throws tantrums in public places.
Your colleague does not cooperate in your team presentation
Your boss yells at you at circumstances that are out of your control.
Your trainee can’t get your lessons even if you repeatedly teach the concepts many times.
You wait for so long because your friend is late again in your agreed meetup time.
If you easily lose your temper easily when you are in the situations above, then you have a problem in managing your emotions - Just like me before.
Before, I always give instant negative reactions to things that are not happening the way I want them to happen. I always find myself easily irritated to things and people that cause delay. But what did I get from being impatient? Negativity. Broken relationships. Wasted time. Regrets for the hurtful words being said.
Later on, I realized that impatience is an indicator that I’m doing something I don’t enjoy. But when I think about it, I noticed that it’s almost everyday I encounter things that I should do but I don’t enjoy.
Why was it so hard for me to develop patience and manage my own emotions? One reason is that I was so much in a hurry. I was too busy doing things in my life that I couldn’t afford to lose and I didn’t want to waste time to things I think were not significant in achieving my goals. I wanted things to happen in an instant (and I believe most of you can relate). No wonder it’s one of the reasons of the existence of fast food chains instant coffee, instant noodles, instant internet, instant boyfriend or girlfriend (hahaha!). Second reason is because of my belief that it’s fine to express my emotions right away, even if it’s negative, because it is necessary to lessen the burden. But how many times have I hurt someone because hurtful words came out from my mouth because of anger and impatience?
I learned that:
Wisdom speaks in calmness.
Wisdom does not shout.
“Be still and know that I am God” - Psalms 46:10
Today, I would like to suggest 5 ways so we can control our temper, develop patience, and manage our own emotions. These work for me and I hope these will work for you too!
1. Timefirst!
This is what I say when I was a little kid to temporarily stop the time. When I find myself start to develop a feeling of impatience towards a person or circumstance, I stop for a while, count 1 to 10 and take a deep breath. I take a break from a person or situation and divert my attention to something else. Most of all, I pray and ask for God’s guidance in dealing with the situation.
I started to focus on the result of being patient. I drive away negativity, and I am not able to say hurtful words that might ruin my relationships.
2. Trust God.
I realized that I have to trust God that He will take charge of the things that are beyond of my control. If things are going out the way they are not supposed to happen, I just keep in mind that they are happening for a purpose. Nothing just happens. I always think that even in my toughest times, things are happening for a good purpose. So whenever I am starting to become impatient towards a situation or person, I say to myself “ I will be patient, because this is happening for a purpose, for my own good.”
3. Find healthier way to express yourself.
Once we do steps 1 and 2, I can now express myself, not in aggressive, but in an assertive way. I express my needs and emotions to others while maintaining respect and building relationships.
4. Keep in mind the benefits of managing your emotions well.
I always remember that If I can manage my emotions well, I will feel happier, I can have fantastic relationships, I can have better health.
Otherwise, I will feel stressed, I will have failed relationships, I will feel depressed and I can feel a sense of unfulfillment. Of course, who would want these?
5. Learn how to forgive.
I always think that nobody is perfect. Even the most trusted person in my life can hurt me. I can’t control people’s faults, but I can control my reaction to these faults. I have to learn how to live with the imperfections of people to be truly happy.
Now, can you take a challenge? Can you apply these ways of managing emotions when trapped in difficult situations and starting to feel impatient?
You may share your stories to me. Put in the comments below and I’ll be happy to hear from you.
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