Can you Manage Your Emotions?

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Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.  

- James 1:19-20

How do you react in these situations?

You are stuck in long hours of traffic.

A sales crew repeatedly commits mistakes in completing your orders.

Your kid throws tantrums in public places.

Your colleague does not cooperate in your team presentation

Your boss yells at you at circumstances that are out of your control.

Your trainee can’t get your lessons even if you repeatedly teach the concepts many times.

You wait for so long because your friend is late again in your agreed meetup time.

If you easily lose your temper easily when you are in the situations above, then you have a problem in managing your emotions - Just like me before.

Before, I always give instant negative reactions to things that are not happening the way I want them to happen. I always find myself easily irritated to things and people that cause delay. But what did I get from being impatient? Negativity. Broken relationships. Wasted time. Regrets for the hurtful words being said.

Later on, I realized that impatience is an indicator that I’m doing something I don’t enjoy. But when I think about it, I noticed that it’s almost everyday I encounter things that I should do but I don’t enjoy.

Why was it so hard for me to develop patience and manage my own emotions? One reason is that I was so much in a hurry. I was too busy doing things in my life that I couldn’t afford to lose and I didn’t want to waste time to things I think were not significant in achieving my goals. I wanted things to happen in an instant (and I believe most of you can relate). No wonder it’s one of the reasons of the existence of fast food chains instant coffee, instant noodles, instant internet, instant boyfriend or girlfriend (hahaha!). Second reason is because of my belief that it’s fine to express my emotions right away, even if it’s negative, because it is necessary to lessen the burden. But how many times have I hurt someone because hurtful words came out from my mouth because of anger and impatience?

I learned that:

Wisdom speaks in calmness.

Wisdom does not shout.

“Be still and know that I am God” - Psalms 46:10

Today, I would like to suggest 5 ways so we can control our temper, develop patience, and manage our own emotions. These work for me and I hope these will work for you too!

1. Timefirst!

This is what I say when I was a  little kid to temporarily stop the time. When I find myself  start to develop a feeling of impatience towards a person or circumstance, I stop for a while, count 1 to 10 and take a deep breath. I take a break from a person or situation and divert my attention to something else. Most of all, I pray and ask for God’s guidance in dealing with the situation.

I started to focus on the result of being patient. I drive away negativity, and I am not able to say hurtful words that might ruin my relationships.

2. Trust God.

I realized that I have to trust God that He will take charge of the things that are beyond of my control. If things are going out the way they are not supposed to happen, I just keep in mind that they are happening for a purpose. Nothing just happens. I always think that even in my toughest times, things are happening for a good purpose. So whenever I am starting to become impatient towards a situation or person, I say to myself “ I will be patient, because this is happening for a purpose, for my own good.”

3. Find healthier way to express yourself.

Once we do steps 1 and 2, I can now express myself, not in aggressive, but in an assertive way. I express my needs and emotions to others while maintaining respect and building relationships.

4. Keep in mind the benefits of managing your emotions well.

I always remember that If I can manage my emotions well, I will feel happier, I can have fantastic relationships, I can have better health.

Otherwise, I will feel stressed, I will have failed relationships, I will feel depressed and I can feel a sense of unfulfillment.  Of course, who would want these?

5. Learn how to forgive.

I always think that nobody is perfect. Even the most trusted person in my life can hurt me. I can’t control people’s faults, but I can control my reaction to these faults. I have to learn how to live with the imperfections of people to be truly happy.

Now, can you take a challenge? Can you apply these ways of managing emotions when trapped in difficult situations and starting to feel impatient?

You may share your stories to me. Put in the comments below and I’ll be happy to hear from you.

How Do You Spend Your Hard Earned Money?

Where did your hard earned money go?

While I'm budgeting my remaining salary today, I just realized that I've already been working for 7 years now.

Would you guess how much is my savings as of today?

Maybe some of you guess P500K, P100K, or P50K..

Well...

Dandanan... My savings as of today is...

P10K... large amount right? (hahaha!)

Why is that so? Because I did not know how to manage my finances.

I remember when I was first employed, everytime I receive my salary, it would just passes to my hand in few days, and I would start counting again the days before the next payday because I've already spent them all. I even had debts because of overspending. The main reason is I did not plan for my finances or I just didn't know how to do it.

Lucky I am when I discovered the importance of managing finances due to self development and financial mentors like Jim Rohn, Tony Robbins and books written by T. Harv Ecker and Robert Kiyosaki.

Managing finances is not difficult. A simple system is enough, we just have to develop the habit.

No matter how much your income is, you should manage your finances well. Money is one of the resources given to us by God that needs to be well taken care of.

Now, let me share to you one system of managing finances thought by T. Harv Ecker in his book Secrets of the Millionaire's Mind. This include 7 Jars- freedom fund, emergency fund, everyday fund, dream fund, fun fund, education fund, give fund.

You might not have fund for each jar as of this moment. I believe at the start of your career, you may start with just 4 funds - everyday fund, emergency fund, give fund and education fund. 

Everyday fund and emergency fund are the funds you need in your everyday life. Give fund reflects how grateful we are in the blessings that we receive, no matter what the amount is. Now maybe you're asking, why do we need Education fund at this moment? This is because education fund will increase your wisdom that would take you to the next step. Increased wisdom leads to increased knowledge, skills, and therefore increased income.

Please take time to view the short presentation below. Hope this helps you determine where should your heard earned money go.


Your Online Life Coach,
Maya

 

Don't Criticize, Condemn or Complain

Do you know someone you would like to change and improve?
Why do you want to do this?

I'm only in the Chapter 1 of the book I'm reading right now "How Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie, but this chapter really hits me.

Sometimes, I find myself criticizing other people, wishing them to get better. But I never realized that it would not bring any better to them. It would just lead them to resentment and won't bring any favorable results.

Here are some of excerpts from the book that hit me, and will surely hit you too.

• Criticism is futile because if puts a person on the defensive and usually makes him strive to justify himself.
• Criticism is dangerous because it wounds a person's precious pride, hurts his sense of importance, and arouses resentment
• Don't criticize people, they are just what we would be under similar circumstances
• When we dealing with people, let us remember that we are not dealing with creatures of logic, we are dealing with creatures of emotions, creatures bristling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity.
• Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain- most fools do so. But it takes a character and self control to be understanding and forgiving
• A great man shows his greatness the way he treats little men.
• God does not propose to judge man until the end of his days, why should you and I?

So next time we find ourselves judging and criticizing other people, why not begin on ourselves? It's a lot better than trying to improve others.

Your Online Life Coach,

Maya